Updated: Oct 26, 2019
Our 'story' is as in "once upon a time," but and when living inside of the story, we are blinded to the ways that we perpetuate our personal pain in our relationships with others. Releasing the story's hold and conditioned patterns is key to healing ourselves, our families, communities and ripples out. It's amazing to witness the beauty of this healing.
Thirty years ago when it was clear that my alcoholic stepfather wouldn't make it to old age, it occurred to me that our mother would likely need care one day. I announced to my little sister, "Don't look at me; I'm afraid I'll commit elder abuse." I was serious. There was no way that I could entertain the prospect of caring for my abuser.
Adventures in Alzheimers
Our mother had always been the most high strung person that I'd ever known but mental health stigma kept her from seeking help. So like many, her coping mechanisms were rage or numbing with alcohol or both.
More than 20 years after my "Don't look at me" pronouncement, the Universe, as it often does, had other plans. In 2012 our mother was diagnosed with Wernike Korsakoff's Alzheimers (alcoholic dementia). She was 78, all alone, in another state and unable to care for herself. As the family member with a medical background and our mom's POA, I found myself squarely in driver's seat of her care. It seemed ironic at the time and I initially cared for her from a sense of responsibility.
A miraculous amount of healing has taken place as a result! Although my mother's body remains tense because 'the body remembers,' her true essence has finally shone through because she has literally forgotten her story. The narcissistic, stingy, abusive and neglectful woman (ALL traumatic defenses) is finally free to be her true self. And her true self is none of those traumatic defense patterns and coping mech